Greetings fellow mortals.
Today , I shall go on another one of my rants. Been a long time since the last one, and boy oh boy am I excited about this one! .
Yeah, that is pretty much how my face is when I have something to rant about.
Now we all know what a Jerk is. We have all interacted, hated, (and some beat the crap out of) these 'special' people. And what is also known is that there are different kinds of Jerks. The diversity among them can almost be compared to the rich diversity of cultures we have in our country ( no disrespect,.. JAI BHARAT MATA!) . And so, ranting about Jerks in general would not be fair. It would not be fair to the very limited amount of people who read my blog (I LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOUS :D) nor would it be fair to the Jerks, who deserve a lot more than a simple blog post. What I mean to do, is to present to you, a not so detailed study on the not so rare breed of Jerk, that I like to call, THE HOSTEL JERK.
A Hostel Jerk is not merely a Douchebag that lives in a hostel, oh no, he is much more than that. This is an exceptional kind of Imbecile who finds increasingly disgusting and creepy ways to mentally scar Hostel residents without inflicting physical punishment. Now there are demarcations within the Hostel Jerk class as well. And I shall present them one by one. I have divided them on the basis of the environment where they strive and the very first kind of numbnut I'd like to introduce is ..
THE MESS JERK :
I am pretty sure that anyone who has ever lived in a hostel would have had atleast one person's face flash in their mind when they read the title.
Yeah.
Okay the mess jerk's aim is simple. Get food, make everyone else look like a complete idiot. This is the kind of person who would just butt in a line that extends from the entry of the room to the destination!. If the world were a fair place, then these are the kind of people who would be killed by unexplained meteor strikes.
But the mess jerk's work isn't done yet. He can be spotted licking the spoons that are supposed to be used by everyone else for serving the food, he can be seen blatantly attacking the guy who is balancing this huge container of food on his head so as to get the food and presumably to make sure that noone else does, and at times even running around in a crowded dining hall like a complete retard with his arms flailing, knocking down the good folks' plates.
And as a final touch, he makes sure that he feeds the table that he is sitting at and also leaves plenty of food on it incase the poor little table becomes hungry again. And how can the table eat without a plate??..The mess jerk, being the considerate bastard that he is, leaves his plate after he is done eating, right there on the bloody table.
Evil rating : ***
THE CORRIDOR JERK:
The corridor is where the party is at!. Atleast for the corridor jerk.
Now what corridor jerk wants is for the corridor to look like a battlefield. He makes sure that the trash cans are empty and all the garbage is where it, according to him, rightfully belongs, ZA CORRIDORR. And just to show how committed he is, he at times does have a battle with other corridor jerks with the above mentioned trash, BUT only when normal people try to sleep.
He can be seen running around shooting trash out of his every extension. He can be seen screaming like someone is ripping his eyeballs off his sockets for no apparent reason. And quite recently, he has been reported to have been making sure that no room in the corridor has power. The corridor jerk cares for the environment. But this kind of jerk is kind of lovable when all is said and done, because hey, its always fun to see someone run around with trash in their hands. and clothes. and face. and quite possibly other places .
Evil rating : *.
WAAIT WAAIT, There is one unique kind of jerk that lurks in the corridor who is anything BUT loveable. This twisted vile demon comes out when even the jerks mentioned in the preceding paragraph have retired to their rooms. He scans the clotheslines for his prey. And he finds it, a perfectly good underwear, all washed and clean, left there by its unsuspecting owner to dry. He looks around and makes sure that no one is watching, and just then, HE STRIKES!. The underwear is gone!. Never to see its rightful owner again. Separated from the one person that it means the world to. Another love story, cruelly cut short.
Noone can confirm his existence. The only proof being, the poor victims whose underwear he so mercilessly abducts and reports of orphaned underwear, inhumanely ripped and tarnished, so hideously disfigured that it is barely recognisable, found lying on the stairs, or on the floor. Yes fellow readers, read it aloud with me, the greatest trick the devil ever played, was convincing the world that he didn't exist. Evil 1 Good 0.
Evil rating : *****
Portrait according to the very few eye witness reports.
BATHROOM JERK:
And last but certainly not the least, the most devastating kind of jerk there is. The bathroom jerk. Equipped with a very wide variety of skills, he is the who manages to wreak the most havoc in the minds of the good folk.
Each of his skills deserves attention. Starting off with clogging the wash basin. Mostly, out of 5 or 6 wash basins only 1 or 2 actually work. And early in the morning, you are barely awake and you go to the wash basin and what do you find?. ?????. Yeah ????? is exactly what you find. You have no clue what is inside the basin..all you see is strange discoloured water and a faint 'figure' blocking the drain!. At times, you see hair. Yes hair. Lots of it. What hair no one can say. Which adds to the mental agony. Man has always been known to fear the unknown you see.
So the wash basin is where it begins.
Then we move on to the showers. This more or less falls under the general Jerk category, rather than the HOSTEL Jerk category. Again out of the available bath stalls, there will always be only one or two with working showers. The Jerks, in this scenario get a bucket to bathe in , and yes, you guessed it , occupy the only stalls that have working showers. The people who dont bring buckets, have no choice but to wait till the jerks are done. And most of the time, just to add insult to injury, the nitwits decide to wash all their frikking clothes as while, while the good folk just wait like morons. YOU HAVE A BUCKET, USE THE OTHER STALL, YOU UNBELIEVABLE EXCUSE FOR A HOMO-SAPIEN!.
Now that we have both of that covered, I advise the readers to brace their selves, because things are about to get messy.
:D. I couldnt help myself :P
This next ability of the bathroom jerk was recently discovered. This next one is so far reported only in men's hostels . One fine day, you hear nature's call and decide to relieve yourself by answering it. You walk to the toilet and suddenly you see it. There is guy right in-front of you, standing a good 2 feet away from the toilet stall and peeing into the floor of the stall (One can only assume its the floor, super peeing abilities being quite rare). And yes, his 'dingaling' is right there in the open saying, HELLO BEAUTIFUL WORLD, and at times , god forbid, HELLO, BEAUTIFUL STRANGER. And ofcourse, washing up AND/OR flushing are terms that are as foreign as a Chinese guy on mars to these people.
Next, we have the classic Hostel Bathroom Jerk Ability. The one ability that is absolutely a must if you are to join this elite clan. The ability to NOT flush no matter how horrifying your creation is. NO matter how much of stench it generates, not even if you poop out a live sharktopus, do you flush.
Sharktopus, for those who aren't familiar
And when the jerk goes into super mode, he poops a miniature mountain, yes a mountain of poop, and believe me when I say it, it sometimes moves. A moving mountain of doodie. And he smashes the flush so that NOBODY can move his mountain. THEIR KIND DESERVE A DEATH SO CRUEL THAT IT IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT IT. IF YOU ARE ONE AMONG THEM, THEN WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE YOU?!. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG!.
Also, there is this one guy, in our college who will forever remain a BATHROOM JERK LEGEND for what he managed to accomplish. Buckets. Doors. Floor. Nothing was spared. People say I can paint with words, so I am not going to say more. The Bathroom Jerk thus, continues to be the most potent Hostel Jerk.
Evil rating : ******************************************************************
And here ends, my not so detailed report. I am sure I ve missed out on a few, but this is all the time I want to spend on this issue.
My previous post was about everything is a battle between good and evil. Fellow mortals, I have just this to say, Evil has risen. The Jerks have played their hand, now we play ours.
A fire will rise?? :D. Hopefully :P
Until next time,
-TheRandomCritic
Today , I shall go on another one of my rants. Been a long time since the last one, and boy oh boy am I excited about this one! .
Now we all know what a Jerk is. We have all interacted, hated, (and some beat the crap out of) these 'special' people. And what is also known is that there are different kinds of Jerks. The diversity among them can almost be compared to the rich diversity of cultures we have in our country ( no disrespect,.. JAI BHARAT MATA!) . And so, ranting about Jerks in general would not be fair. It would not be fair to the very limited amount of people who read my blog (I LOVE EVERY ONE OF YOUS :D) nor would it be fair to the Jerks, who deserve a lot more than a simple blog post. What I mean to do, is to present to you, a not so detailed study on the not so rare breed of Jerk, that I like to call, THE HOSTEL JERK.
A Hostel Jerk is not merely a Douchebag that lives in a hostel, oh no, he is much more than that. This is an exceptional kind of Imbecile who finds increasingly disgusting and creepy ways to mentally scar Hostel residents without inflicting physical punishment. Now there are demarcations within the Hostel Jerk class as well. And I shall present them one by one. I have divided them on the basis of the environment where they strive and the very first kind of numbnut I'd like to introduce is ..
THE MESS JERK :
I am pretty sure that anyone who has ever lived in a hostel would have had atleast one person's face flash in their mind when they read the title.
Okay the mess jerk's aim is simple. Get food, make everyone else look like a complete idiot. This is the kind of person who would just butt in a line that extends from the entry of the room to the destination!. If the world were a fair place, then these are the kind of people who would be killed by unexplained meteor strikes.
But the mess jerk's work isn't done yet. He can be spotted licking the spoons that are supposed to be used by everyone else for serving the food, he can be seen blatantly attacking the guy who is balancing this huge container of food on his head so as to get the food and presumably to make sure that noone else does, and at times even running around in a crowded dining hall like a complete retard with his arms flailing, knocking down the good folks' plates.
And as a final touch, he makes sure that he feeds the table that he is sitting at and also leaves plenty of food on it incase the poor little table becomes hungry again. And how can the table eat without a plate??..The mess jerk, being the considerate bastard that he is, leaves his plate after he is done eating, right there on the bloody table.
Evil rating : ***
THE CORRIDOR JERK:
The corridor is where the party is at!. Atleast for the corridor jerk.
Now what corridor jerk wants is for the corridor to look like a battlefield. He makes sure that the trash cans are empty and all the garbage is where it, according to him, rightfully belongs, ZA CORRIDORR. And just to show how committed he is, he at times does have a battle with other corridor jerks with the above mentioned trash, BUT only when normal people try to sleep.
He can be seen running around shooting trash out of his every extension. He can be seen screaming like someone is ripping his eyeballs off his sockets for no apparent reason. And quite recently, he has been reported to have been making sure that no room in the corridor has power. The corridor jerk cares for the environment. But this kind of jerk is kind of lovable when all is said and done, because hey, its always fun to see someone run around with trash in their hands. and clothes. and face. and quite possibly other places .
Evil rating : *.
WAAIT WAAIT, There is one unique kind of jerk that lurks in the corridor who is anything BUT loveable. This twisted vile demon comes out when even the jerks mentioned in the preceding paragraph have retired to their rooms. He scans the clotheslines for his prey. And he finds it, a perfectly good underwear, all washed and clean, left there by its unsuspecting owner to dry. He looks around and makes sure that no one is watching, and just then, HE STRIKES!. The underwear is gone!. Never to see its rightful owner again. Separated from the one person that it means the world to. Another love story, cruelly cut short.
Noone can confirm his existence. The only proof being, the poor victims whose underwear he so mercilessly abducts and reports of orphaned underwear, inhumanely ripped and tarnished, so hideously disfigured that it is barely recognisable, found lying on the stairs, or on the floor. Yes fellow readers, read it aloud with me, the greatest trick the devil ever played, was convincing the world that he didn't exist. Evil 1 Good 0.
Evil rating : *****
BATHROOM JERK:
And last but certainly not the least, the most devastating kind of jerk there is. The bathroom jerk. Equipped with a very wide variety of skills, he is the who manages to wreak the most havoc in the minds of the good folk.
Each of his skills deserves attention. Starting off with clogging the wash basin. Mostly, out of 5 or 6 wash basins only 1 or 2 actually work. And early in the morning, you are barely awake and you go to the wash basin and what do you find?. ?????. Yeah ????? is exactly what you find. You have no clue what is inside the basin..all you see is strange discoloured water and a faint 'figure' blocking the drain!. At times, you see hair. Yes hair. Lots of it. What hair no one can say. Which adds to the mental agony. Man has always been known to fear the unknown you see.
So the wash basin is where it begins.
Then we move on to the showers. This more or less falls under the general Jerk category, rather than the HOSTEL Jerk category. Again out of the available bath stalls, there will always be only one or two with working showers. The Jerks, in this scenario get a bucket to bathe in , and yes, you guessed it , occupy the only stalls that have working showers. The people who dont bring buckets, have no choice but to wait till the jerks are done. And most of the time, just to add insult to injury, the nitwits decide to wash all their frikking clothes as while, while the good folk just wait like morons. YOU HAVE A BUCKET, USE THE OTHER STALL, YOU UNBELIEVABLE EXCUSE FOR A HOMO-SAPIEN!.
Now that we have both of that covered, I advise the readers to brace their selves, because things are about to get messy.
This next ability of the bathroom jerk was recently discovered. This next one is so far reported only in men's hostels . One fine day, you hear nature's call and decide to relieve yourself by answering it. You walk to the toilet and suddenly you see it. There is guy right in-front of you, standing a good 2 feet away from the toilet stall and peeing into the floor of the stall (One can only assume its the floor, super peeing abilities being quite rare). And yes, his 'dingaling' is right there in the open saying, HELLO BEAUTIFUL WORLD, and at times , god forbid, HELLO, BEAUTIFUL STRANGER. And ofcourse, washing up AND/OR flushing are terms that are as foreign as a Chinese guy on mars to these people.
Next, we have the classic Hostel Bathroom Jerk Ability. The one ability that is absolutely a must if you are to join this elite clan. The ability to NOT flush no matter how horrifying your creation is. NO matter how much of stench it generates, not even if you poop out a live sharktopus, do you flush.
And when the jerk goes into super mode, he poops a miniature mountain, yes a mountain of poop, and believe me when I say it, it sometimes moves. A moving mountain of doodie. And he smashes the flush so that NOBODY can move his mountain. THEIR KIND DESERVE A DEATH SO CRUEL THAT IT IS PROBABLY ILLEGAL FOR ME TO TALK ABOUT IT. IF YOU ARE ONE AMONG THEM, THEN WHAT KIND OF A PERSON ARE YOU?!. GET THE HELL OUT OF MY BLOG!.
Also, there is this one guy, in our college who will forever remain a BATHROOM JERK LEGEND for what he managed to accomplish. Buckets. Doors. Floor. Nothing was spared. People say I can paint with words, so I am not going to say more. The Bathroom Jerk thus, continues to be the most potent Hostel Jerk.
Evil rating : ******************************************************************
And here ends, my not so detailed report. I am sure I ve missed out on a few, but this is all the time I want to spend on this issue.
My previous post was about everything is a battle between good and evil. Fellow mortals, I have just this to say, Evil has risen. The Jerks have played their hand, now we play ours.
Until next time,
-TheRandomCritic
